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We ‘Wrote The Book’ On Divorce In Hawaii

Mediation could be a way to protect your children during divorce

Getting divorced in Hawaii doesn't have to be an emotionally difficult and expensive process. If you and your spouse are able to come to terms on specific areas of your divorce, an uncontested divorce could be a great option.

In contentious divorces, both spouses struggle to agree on anything and the two of them end up battling it out in court. The end result is often unpredictable, and the process can put a lot of strain on your family, especially minor children.

Divorce can be hard on kids

Children may get asked to decide who they would prefer to live with after the divorce. They may also witness testimony about bad behavior by their parents. This can cause a lot of strain in the parent-child relationships after divorce. For some children, the emotional scars that result from divorce can cause issues in their lives and closest personal relationships for many years to come.

Mediation, a way of reaching mutually agreeable compromises during divorce, can shield your children from the worst parts of a divorce and could actually be a way to save money during your divorce.

Mediation empowers adults and shields children

Typically, children are not involved in the mediation process. Instead, the parents, their individual attorneys and a neutral third party sit down to discuss areas of contention for the divorce. Anything from summer visitation and custody schedules to how to divide holiday parenting time and assets can get discussed in a mediation setting. Instead of fighting with a "winner take all" attitude, both spouses try to find fair compromises to issues that they struggle to agree on.

Mediation offers the divorcing couple much more control over the process. Instead of a judge getting to decide the terms and final agreements, the couple has all the power during mediation. That means that everyone typically feels better with the outcome of the process because they have more input.

Perhaps more importantly, mediation shows your children that compromise and working together are always options, even when you know there are big problems. Not only will mediation shield your children from the worst of the trauma associated with contentious divorces, it will provide them with a positive example.

Mediation can help you prepare for co-parenting

No matter how emotional you get during a divorce, you will still need to find a way to co-parent with your spouse when it's over. Mediation helps you find common ground and learn to set aside your feelings to work together. Co-parenting may be easier once you've already learned to communicate and compromise again.

You'll have a clear understanding of the expectations for both you and your former spouse. Hopefully you can both agree to continue to put the best interests of your children first.

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Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC
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