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Tips for bringing up a divorce

You know that you want a divorce. You suspect that your spouse isn't happy in the marriage, either, but this is still a huge conversation and you're not really sure how to get it started.

To help, here are a few tips that can make it go smoothly:

  • Do it on the weekend. You're both going to need some time to talk it over and work through it. This isn't a 15-minute conversation. Bringing it up on Friday means you're free from the distraction of work and you have a few days.
  • Try to avoid blindsiding your spouse. Don't pretend everything is fine and that you're perfectly happy until, one day, you suddenly bring up divorce. Discuss the problems in the marriage and the way you feel. If you've already voiced your concerns, suggesting that you're better off ending things won't be as shocking.
  • Don't make it an accusation. You may blame your spouse, but starting the conversation off with that blame just puts him or her on the defensive.
  • Stay calm. Don't wait until you're in the middle of a fight to scream that you want to end the marriage. Bring it up in a controlled fashion where you can have a conversation.
  • Don't make it a threat. Never use it as an ultimatum, telling your spouse you'll ask for a divorce if he or she doesn't act a certain way or do a specific thing.
  • Think through your feelings and reasons. Be sure you understand why you want the divorce, and be ready to explain it thoroughly.

Once you get the conversation rolling, it's also very important to have a full understanding of all of your legal rights and your options at the end of your marriage.

Source: Huffington Post, "How To Tell Your Spouse That You Want A Divorce," Susan Pease Gadoua, accessed Jan. 25, 2018

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