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Dividing friends after a divorce

Splitting or sharing friends that you and your ex-spouse have in common can be a huge challenge for divorcing individuals that are already dealing with the legal and emotional complexities of divorce.

If you are separating from your spouse or seeking a divorce, read these tips to help divide you and your ex's friends following the split.

Choosing sides

While you shouldn't pressure your friends to choose sides, they generally will gravitate more toward you or your ex-spouse.

In heterosexual relationships, friendships typically separate by gender. However, friendships may also separate according to differences in the time and/or bond shared with you or your ex.

No hard feelings

While you may have made friends with one of your ex's close friends, recognize that their alliance is still likely to lie with your ex. However, you may also notice that alliances have changed.

That being said, your divorce shouldn't create any hard feelings between you and lost friends. Friends come in and out of our lives at different points. Even if your divorce is not amicable, try not to project those negative feelings onto surrounding friends.

Talk to your ex about shared friends

Discuss all of the important questions regarding friends that do want a relationship with both of you. Will you be attending gathering together? Do you need a break of time before this would be okay?

You may also agree not to discuss one another with your friends to keep from making friends feel uncomfortable or pressured to choose a side.

Talk to friends about your preferences

Many of your friends may want to maintain relations with each of you -- they're just not sure how. Be sure to be open with your friends on what your preferences are and what your ex's preferences are.

If the two of you have different preferences, your friends will have to make difficult choices. Try to be understanding of their situation.

Divorce can be emotional for the loss of the marriage, the limitations of a custody arrangement and the change in friends surrounding you. As you navigate through this difficult time, make things easier on yourself by contacting a lawyer for help with the legal complexities of your divorce.

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