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We ‘Wrote The Book’ On Divorce In Hawaii

Dealing with post-divorce emotions

If you are about to begin the divorce process, you might think that once you sign the final papers, the whole ordeal will be over and you will be ready to move on with your life. However, you might discover that you have mixed feelings about your ex both before and after the divorce becomes final. This is not unusual. One day you might completely despise your ex-husband and on the next you could miss him more than you have ever missed anyone else.

Riding the emotional rollercoaster after a divorce is completely normal and something that most people go through. Fortunately, there are several ways you can cope with these constantly changing emotions.

Divorce equals changes

It is not uncommon to have a difficult time coping with big changes to your life and divorce is certainly a major change. Some people wax nostalgic over their past relationship because it is easier than facing an unknown future. But, living in the past will not help you move on with your life. Take a leap of faith and trust yourself. You can handle what comes next in this new chapter of your life.

List the reasons for your divorce

If you are having doubts and begin to question your decision to divorce, it might help to make a list. Write down the reasons you initially decided to divorce and the differences you and your spouse have been unable to reconcile. However, focusing on only the bad can lead to feelings of resentment that might make it difficult to move on. After you write down the reasons for divorce, make a list of the good things about your marriage.

Don't play the blame game

While it may seem easy to put all the blame on your ex, keep in mind that there were two of you in the marriage. Take a long and honest look at your part in the relationship and how you may have contributed to the break up. By being honest with yourself, you have a better chance of making your next relationship a success.

Get help

Do not make dealing with your feelings a do-it-yourself project. When you begin to feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or a therapist to talk about your feelings. Talking with another person about what you are going through can help you sort through changing and confusing feelings.

If you are considering divorce in Honolulu, do not get caught by surprise when your emotions seem to start bouncing all over the place. The above tips can help you get a handle on your feelings so that you can stay in control and deal with changes that divorce will bring to your life.

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Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC
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