Hawaii Family Law Blog

Not all abuse is physical

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in Divorce on Monday, August 19, 2019.

Abuse in a marriage can take many forms. Physical abuse is much easier for both the victim and others to identify, but spouses in Hawaii need to also be aware of what constitutes non-physical abuse, which are emotional and psychological.

According to HuffPost, subtle signs of an abusive relationship often start early on. These are the same signs that make someone seem like a perfect girlfriend or boyfriend. While romance is nice, an abuser will often go over the top to give flowers, gifts and attention. This is because in order to exert control, the abuser must make the victim trust and love at an early stage in the relationship.

High-conflict divorce comes with emotional damage

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC on Thursday, August 8, 2019.

Going through a high-conflict divorce is a challenging experience for even those who want to see the marriage end. Throughout the time that you are going through the divorce and in the period after, you might need to work on reducing your stress and recovering from all the drama. This may not be easy, but it is beneficial.

You can't bottle your feelings. You have to learn how to address them so that they don't consume you. On top of that, you can follow these tips to help you deal with the impacts of the divorce's conflicts.

How to prepare for a successful divorce mediation

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in Divorce on Monday, August 5, 2019.

Couples in Hawaii who decide to get a divorce, but do not want it to be a contentious process, may want to consider mediation. This method uses a third-party mediator to help each partner work through decisions regarding asset division, alimony and child custody. When couples communicate and prepare correctly, mediation can cost much less than litigation and it is typically less stressful.

HuffPost discusses that choosing a mediator is the first step in the process, and that they are not all the same. During the mediation process, soon-to-be exes discuss a myriad of topics, and many of them can be challenging. Choosing a mediator that both partners trust to guide them through tough conversations is important. It is also a good idea to research the mediator, as they can come from different backgrounds. Look for one that is active in the profession, has a good amount of education in conflict resolution and only practices in family and divorce mediation.

Can you evaluate your relationship before you get divorced?

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in Divorce on Tuesday, July 23, 2019.

When you recognize that you are disagreeing with your spouse more than you are enjoying happy and content moments, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and what changes have caused you to experience increased discord. Depending on the nature of your relationship and the conditions that are contributing to the contention, you may have the chance to discuss your concerns with your spouse in Hawaii before resorting to divorce.

If you are in a relationship where abuse is occurring and your life is inevitably in danger, having a face-to-face conversation about your concerns is most likely not something you should pursue. In some cases, it is better for you to make strategic and secret arrangements with people that you trust to leave your relationship without involving your spouse. It may even require you to contact the local authorities for added protection as you make a move.

The ease of getting divorced in Hawaii

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in Divorce on Friday, July 12, 2019.

Getting a divorce can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. What may make it even worse is when states put regulations in place that lengthen the process. According to Business Insider, there may also be restrictions based on residency, divorce certifications or even providing educational classes to children. When it comes to Hawaii, there tends to be fewer restrictions. In fact, couples may choose to divorce in Hawaii even if they got married in a different state or country.

This is the main contributing factor behind why divorcing in Hawaii is sometimes considered easier than other states. However, couples still face many of the complications related to dividing property and determining spousal support. There is also the emotional burden of separating from the spouse and moving forward, regardless of the reasons leading to the divorce.

Strength is needed when divorcing a manipulator

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC on Thursday, July 11, 2019.

A manipulative spouse is difficult to deal with because they will push and push until they get their way. The techniques that they use can often make you feel negatively about yourself. They might cause stress in your home. You may always feel guilty or like you did something wrong. This isn't a way to live, so you decide that you are going to file for divorce.

Going through a divorce with a person who is manipulative is going to be challenging. You are going to have to figure out ways to cope with the manipulation. For many people going through this, a trial is inevitable because their spouse isn't going to compromise on any points that are necessary for the divorce to be finalized.

Signs of a good co-parenting relationship

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC on Monday, July 1, 2019.

Co-parenting is an arrangement that gives your children the stability of knowing that both parents will still be active parts of their life. It also means that you and your ex will have to set some guidelines for the arrangement from the start. As time progresses, you can review what is going on so that you can gauge the situation and determine if there is anything that needs to be changed.

There are a few key points that must be addressed if the co-parenting relationship is going to work. These ensure that the relationship is healthy and what is best for the children. If you notice that any of these aren't present, you might need to determine how you can get things back on track. This can involve working with your ex to make it happen.

Tips for child custody during summer months

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in Child Custody on Tuesday, June 25, 2019.

Divorced parents in Hawaii can face some challenges come summertime if they are not good at communicating. During the year, it can be easier to make a schedule and stick to it, but once there is a break there is not the same consistency. To keep things drama-free for the kids, there are certain tips that may help parents.

According to Live About, the best way to co-parent, in regards to keeping things as easy for the kids is possible, is to be consistent with routines and schedules. Even though it is summer, and activities and bedtimes may change, it is still possible to set up routines. Both parents should decide together what the summer bedtime is, and both should stick with it. Each should also have similar rules as to play time, curfew and the friends they can hang out with.

Plan for the journey of your single life

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC on Thursday, June 13, 2019.

Realizing that your marriage is over means that you need to take steps to prepare for your single life. This isn't going to be easy, but making sure that you handle things can help you to be less stressed as you adjust.

Whether you have already found out about the divorce or you are think that it is coming soon, you can start to get things ready. It will be a while before you are able to receive the divorce settlement, so you should plan to venture out on your own.

Should you create a prenuptial agreement?

On behalf of Coates Frey Tanimoto & Gibson, AAL, LLLC posted in family law on Thursday, June 13, 2019.

Marriage is an exciting step to take with your romantic partner, and there are any personal and legal benefits you may gain by getting married. However, it is also important to understand that you may end up losing property and/or financial assets if you get divorced. Hawaii law does not follow a "community property" stance that splits property equally between divorcing spouses. Instead, a court may divide your assets in the event of a divorce. Creating a prenuptial agreement may help you retain some control over your financial circumstances in the event you get divorced.

If you get divorced in Hawaii, a judge may determine which property and assets go to you and your spouse. In most cases, a judge takes several factors into account when making property determinations: employability, skills, medical needs and special financial circumstances. He or she may also factor in the value of any unpaid work that you may perform, such as maintaining your household and being a caregiver to your children.